Switched to beta Blogger the other day. After which, the Chinese text in my sidebar became gibberish and my friends couldn't comment. Sigh...
Today's lunch stirred up some old memories... Memories of how we always wanted to do certain things but never got to do so. We always thought, "we'll do that next time" but we never did. Or maybe it's my fault. Just like how I've been meaning to give my godparents a treat for ages and have not done so to date. =P
"The chance will come" - it's one of those phrases that one says all the time but does the chance ever come? Sometimes, if you'd missed the chance, would it come by again?
Sometimes, as one chance slips by, another of the opposite nature appears... Coincidence or destined? For one or for both?
Am I a natural pessimist or optimist?
Take careful steps and don't look back.
My sis wants a guinea pig. My mum is going on and on about the responsibilities involved in taking care of a pet i.e. we won't be able to handle it.
There's a lot of things that we may think that we can't handle, but we can. If we try. Many times, we're a lot stronger than we give ourselves credit for but we'ld rather reproach ourselves. Recently, a friend related a story of how she was bullied in secondary school and no one stood up for her. How this made her into someone who stands up strongly for a friend. Never knew that an incident like that had such an impact on someone like her. As I thank her for being my friend, I recall how I always thought she was the senior who had her own clique and was too cool for me. Guess not. =P
As I re-read a friend's blog just now, I was reminded of something that I constantly ask myself too - am I ever nice enough to ever be someone's chosen Ms Right? Sometimes I find that I really am not a "nice" girl by various definitions but somehow, I seem to have left certain impressions on some ppl that give the impression that I am "nice"... and maybe just enough. Thanks... for thinking so nicely of me. ^ ^
You're not alone. We all have our vulnerable moments where we want to just wallow in self-pity or think that we have to face the difficulties by ourselves. Sometimes we forget that our true friends are always there to lend a helping hand. Even if you don't think you need it, your friend stands by you. So don't lock your heart and throw away the key. Failure just means we need more patience. You may not know it, you may not have faith in it, but God has made plans for you. With each heartache, be it cos of relationships or friendships, comes a better understanding of yourself and your strengths. =)
As an aside, I found out today that the grapevines in the office are well entwined. =P As much as I think I'm just an insignificant employee, there seems to be much interest in my personal life. Wonder how many colleagues actually read my blog?
盼不到我爱的人 我知道我愿意再等
疼不了爱我的人 片刻柔情它骗不了人
我不是无情的人 却将你伤的最深
我不忍我不能
别再认真 忘了我的人
离不开我爱的人 我知道爱需要缘分
放不下爱我的人 因为了解他多么认真
为什么最真的心 碰不到最好的人
我不问我不能
拥在怀中直到他变冷
爱我的人对我痴心不悔
我却为我爱的人甘心一生伤悲
在乎的人始终不对
谁对谁不必虚伪
爱我的人为我付出一切
我却为我爱的人流泪狂乱心碎
爱与被爱同样受罪
为什么不懂拒绝痴情的包围- 裘海正
Just caught sight of Casa Batlló, Barcelona in a travelogue where Kym Ng led a group of tourists to Spain. Looks so lovely... Though I've always felt like Italy was the one country that I would like to visit and would satisfy my desire to travel, think I'm gonna add Spain too. =P Will probably be tempted to visit other parts of Europe too if I had seen Terk's photos...
Miss those days when the choir was travelling in Europe! It's been 7 years since we first went to Germany/Luxembourg/Paris/London together! Sigh...
Yes... after a brief chat with Spinky this morning, I bought my first ticket to a pop concert. =)
Was quite suay just now. I was leaving Suntec and the up-escalator at the overhead bridge to Citylink had broken down. So I had to climb up the stairs. After that, I came to the broken down down-escalator in Citylink. =/
We're having exercise later. Wonder if I'll be able to catch a taxi after that.
So blur. Just got a non-Friendster birthday reminder email and msged my friend thinking that it was her birthday today. When it's actually next Thursday. =P Must be the post-nap gong-ness. =P
Today, marks one month of singleness - well... semi-singleness. =P
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A girl wearing 4 in stilettos stepped on the middle toe of my right foot on my way home today. =/ Left a small red mark.
Spent 12 hrs in a poorly-ventilated "bunker" today. This morning, my nose was still quite irritated from the bad air yesterday. Thankfully, it cleared up quickly. =) Apparently PS had already complained that we needed more air-conditioning but they couldn't perform magic overnight. =P
Don't know why I was so happy to get his call just now. Scrambled to my phone for fear that he would hang up (though would have been cheaper for me to call him back on my home phone =P). Am I just happy cos I got a response? Or happy cos it's him? Just a 1 min 04 sec call to say where he was. Was a bit disappointed that there were no queries on my toe but then again, it's just a toe. (He clarified that he didn't read the msg carefully. =P)
Was looking forward to watching CSI on Channel 5 (hadn't been able to watch cos my parents had been watching Korean/HK drama at the same timeslot for the many past months). Found the remote control, changed the channel and found out that THE SEASON ENDED! *cry*
To add salt to injury, mum just shook her head in disgust at my flabby arms. =/
Will be working late next few nights. Wonder how I'm gonna be able to concentrate. I wonder if I have some sort of sleeping disorder - I sleep lightly at night but at the same time, I can doze off practically anywhere. =P
Bee, may your meetings in Manila go smoothly.
Btw, non-Blogger readers can now post comments on my blog. =)
Haven't taken an afternoon nap in ages! Slept for four full hours just now. *blush*
Was lying on my bed and fiddling with my new markers later. Didn't realise that one of the marker caps fell off. =( Was wondering why I had ink on my palms when I realised that my maker had left a stain the size of a 20-cent coin on my bed. =/ Oh well. Klutzy me.
What am I looking for in a relationship? Should I just rely on a "strong feeling"? Can something that feels right actually be wrong? I guess I need to pray more for clarity and guidance...
Yesterday we waltzed. In front of a large group of people, including our PS. Why? Primarily to make Aunty Cat happy. But also because I wanted to. Cos I wanted to show people that I could dance ok and that I'm not always a klutz? If my singing or dancing can make someone happy, I don't mind having to do it in front of a crowd. =P
Oh... and Happy Teachers Day! To all my teachers and friends who have joined the profession. =) May you continue to mould young minds into great ones.
Just came home. Having yesterday's soup for dinner. Yum yum... ^ ^ Or should I be upset that yesterday's leftovers were waiting for me at home? =P Anyway, mum didn't let me have much soup. She read somewhere the other day that drinking too much soup late at night isn't good for digestion. =/
Went for purpose-driven shopping with Princess just now. Walked round the bookstore before I asked the information counter if they had the book. I only gave the title and the sales exec said, "By Joshua Harris?" I was amazed. I bought myself my fourth book on relationships. =P
Well... actually my first one - "The Everything Dating Book" was a gift for my 21st birthday from my two best guy buddies. I shall now admit to have only flipped through the book and not read it from cover to cover.
The second and third... are by the Peases. I bought them in Bhutan. Why Bhutan? Cos they cost me just S$10 each there. =P I remember from my JC days how I used to stand in the bookstore and read bits of it cos the books are so funny! =) Anyway, sad to say, since I got them on my v-day trip to Bhutan, I haven't read them at all. I guess cos I didn't really see a need to read them then, except for light hearted reading when I felt like it.
This book that I bought today was recommended by a friend, who had gotten a recommendation from someone else. Really should thank someone else. I read the preface on my way home and it inspired me to think about the way I handle relationships...
I feel tired... Maybe I should just have an early night. =)
Did a fair bit of running around today:
Went to Settlers at Telok Ayer with Hyperjive pals just now. =) Finally won at a snap-type game! Had lots of fun... But going out tonight meant that I missed dinner at home and mum cooked my favourite chicken soup with white fungus and carrots. Too full to have any now. =/
Exhausted. Shall sleep soon.
It was Mum's birthday yesterday, 28 Aug. She didn't realise it and I almost forgot, if not for a survey that she was doing.
My mum's only dream is to watch us wear our graduation gowns and collect our degree scrolls. 2 down, 1 to go. I've always admired mum's innovativeness and wondered how come I never inherited that. Or her sewing skills... Or learned how to cook soups. =P
She picked up my mini project just now and said：“你缝的啊？不会散啊? 这边好像不平的。。。” Then she picked up a ruler and measured. Maybe that's where my perfectionist side comes from. (Btw, it was even. Ha. =P)
Happy 49th birthday to Mum,
though you can't remember your own birthday... =)
I would rather read then hang out with friends. OR
I love all animals.
I picked the second and scored as Preppy: "You got a prep. He cares for everything in the world including you. He will have to spend time with you every day."
If I had chosen the first, would have got a Geek: "I hate to break it to you but you have a guy that would rather study and do good in school then hang out with friends and you. Sorry."
Somehow, these two types seem to describe the situation that I'm in...
Geek | 67% | ||
Preppy | 67% | ||
None | 50% | ||
Emo | 33% | ||
Punk | 17% | ||
Goth | 0% | ||
Skater | 0% | ||
Loner | 0% |
OK... I really didn't mean to blog so much but as a friend was asking me about how to delete blog comments, I suddenly realised that I had 8 comments dating back to Nov 2005 that I didn't moderate and allow for publish. =P Apologies to those who had left the comments and wondered what happened to them! Gomen ne!
Amongst these were one left by Princess in July, before the conclusion of my last relationship. And I wish I had read her comment earlier, before I went to Hong Kong, because it articulated, so clearly, the problem that I had with Bee.
Because you see, you can't love someone for the promise of what
they can be. You have to love them for their imperfections.
I guess you can see how bored I am when I'm single and not motivated to do work. =P This post is just to mark the birth of Butter (scroll to the bottom of the page), a grey hamster that I just adopted. Would have picked mouse if they had one, and made it brown in memory of its namesake*. But I guess a hamster's pretty close. =) You can click the wheel to make it run or click "more" to feed it strawberries (click at its mouth; If you click elsewhere, it would sniff at it).
* Butter - female mouse, brown. Pet mouse when I was in Sec 3 or 4. It mated with Bread (black male mouse) and produced Milk, Cookie, Salt, Pepper and I-can't-remember-the-name-of-its-fifth-baby (Therefore, the others were named after easy-to-remember stuff. =P)
Mummy cooked watercress soup today... even though i dislike watercress, thought I'd better take more soup in hope that my sore throat would go away...
Anyway, I wonder how many people actually talk over the phone these days. For me, I usually only use the phone to chat with boyfriends. =P Before boyfriends came along, I hardly ever used the phone to chat with anyone.
People seem to be using instant messaging a lot more... Is it part of the multi-tasking culture? That instant messaging would allow one to be able to multi-task better? Or is it because instant messaging would give one time to think of a reply, rather than have to say things over the phone that could potentially explode in one's face? Or is it because instant messaging allows us to hide our emotions?
Yes, facing that problem again. One of the reasons that puts me off using SE phones. Maybe I'll switch back to Nokia next year...
If not for the lousy connection, would have uploaded some pics of my completed mini-project. =) The magazine said it'ld take 6 hrs - I took 6 days. =P Of course, it's only because I was only working on it for an hour or so per day, even when I was in the Maldives. Maldivians had never seen my mini-project type of stuff before! I was quite surprised. Anyway, hope this thing will brighten up someone's day...
Anyway, after effects of not drinking enough water in the Maldives - zit developing on my forehead and woke up w a sore throat today. 3 dessertspoons of Pi Pa Gao hasn't had much effect... =/
The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet.
The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.
How could I survive
Without Your love
Without Your touch
You're the
One that heals me
And cleanses my heart
And sets me free
Led the cell through this song just one or two weeks before I stopped attending cell.
The message in yesterday's service was that
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." - Phi 4: 13
How? By receiving abundant grace, walking in active faith and resting in His love. Faith is our response to God's Grace. Pastor Gerald also showed a clip about Rick Hoyt and his dad Dick. A touching true story about at how Dick, spurred by a father's love for his son, participated in triathlons FOR and WITH him. It reminded me of a poem that I came across on a friend's blog earlier yesterday afternoon.
I was further reminded that we should always have faith in the Lord and of something that someone had said to me. By the end of yesterday's service, I came to a decision to let someone go. And I did. For the third or fourth time. Even though I agree with Aki's logic on why it was more important to have a good boyfriend than a good husband cos no one knows what will happen in the future anyway, at this point in time, I am unable to take that bold step onto the path that would be fraught with difficulties.
If we're meant to be, He would lay the path for us.
Thank you for loving me.
The Idealist |
As I sat on a speedboat out of Male yesterday, the nickname from my JC1 choir days suddenly came to mind. Hence, the update at the sidebar. Back then, there was this craze over 《神鸼侠侣》 and we were naming ourselves after characters from the book/drama serial (yes, the one that Fann Wong and Christopher Lee acted in).
Yesterday, I was yet again reminded of how blessed I am. Someone made sure that I brought water to the Maldives. Someone made sure that I drank water and not get dehydrated. Someone helped to pull my trolley back halfway across Male to the jetty. Someone wanted to pay for my dinner. Someone said that he would always have a soft spot for me. Someone said that he would always be around.
Is it because I can't take care of myself and need people to take care of me? =P Nevertheless, I would like to thank all of you for being around and caring. *hugs*
"Absences makes the heart grow fonder..."
Postmodernist. Postmodernism is the belief in complete open interpretation. You see the universe as a collection of information with varying ways of putting it together. There is no absolute truth for you; even the most hardened facts are open to interpretation. Meaning relies on context and even the language you use to describe things should be subject to analysis.
What is Your World View? created with QuizFarm.com |
Picking 2 would have made me a Cultural Creative, a member of probably the newest group to enter this realm. "You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational."
Someone who is quite guai because I am also quite guai
But also someone who is not super-religious or super-guai
Like, someone who is not hung-up about adhering to a strict moral code
But able to let loose and have fun and be slightly naughty every once in a while
Then, someone who is quite smart but not dao-dao artsy-fartsy smart
Who can also appreciate down-to-earth jokes and kopitiam food
Someone who is not super flamboyant or loud, but is also good humored and can be funny
And someone who is NICE
Yup. In preparations for the trip tomorrow. I guess I really should have brought my laptop back on Fri but I didn't feel inspired to do so. =P
As I walked down the corridors of my office, I thought of how last year, was surprised to see Kon, who had just joined not too long ago, working in the office on a Saturday. Back then, I was trying to do my filing...
Was also surprised by 烧卖's call at about 11 am this morning. Had gained conscious at about 9 am, sent him a sms and went back to sleep since he hadn't reply. Our conversation was interrupted by someone whom I later confirmed to have called the long number. -_- But then again, I guess he didn't want to have another long teleconversation. =P Shortly after, got a "good morning" sms from 地毯.... Speaking of smses, I've finally deleted all of Bee's smses, including the one he sent on my graduation day last year.
My older cousin came by earlier and asked how's things going with Bee. I didn't see the need to lie, so I told him that we had broken up. My cousin then started giving me advice on how I should look out for someone who shares the same vision of the future as me...
What my vision of the future like? To be with someone who loves me as much as I love him? To have two kids and try my best not to turn them into spoilt brats or neglect them? I'ld like to think that I'm a simple person, who doesn't ask much but am I just thinking too simply? Is love sufficient to overcome it all?
Met the Pals for lunch, shopping and baking yesterday. Yes, we used the Hilton recipe cut out from Straits Times. If they hadn't proposed that we try baking it, I'll probably not do it by myself till December or so.
Realised that the recipe called for plain cream, but didn't indicate what it was for! But the cake turned out really well... =) I think it's all to the mixer's credit, to produce a cake so smooth! So tempted to buy another mixer - a proper one that won't die on me after being used thrice. =P
Since Prozac's birthday was 16 Aug, we decided to stick a candle and surprise him. So nice to be spontaneous every now and then. =) You may wish to refer to Little Miss Dreamer's blogfor photos and a more detailed description of Operation Cheesecake. =)
While the cake was baking, my love life was up for discussion again. =P The conclusion was that it was interesting enough to be turned into a script and submitted to Mediacorp. We also talked about whether, if the two were mutually exclusive, we would choose a good boyfriend or a good husband. Instinctively, I thought a good husband would be more important since I'ld be spending the rest of my life with him. But I also agree with Aki's thinking when she picked good boyfriend. If this guy can't even make a good boyfriend, how can you be sure that he would be a good husband?
| Physical Touch: | 8 | |
| Quality Time: | 7 | |
| Words of Affirmation: | 7 | |
| Acts of Service: | 6 | |
| Receiving Gifts: | 2 |
Tears for one
Being with the second
Mind on a third
But heart... where art thou?
My past seems to have caught up with me, though I knew that it would, a week before I started work. Perhaps, as much as I thought I could be 洒脱, I can never truly be so. Perhaps, I care too much for making others happy, that I've left my own sense of happiness in their hands...
Bee: Do you know what's wrong?
Me: I'm going around breaking people's hearts.
Bee: Exactly.
.....
Bee: Do you know what's your problem? It's because you don't know what you want.
How do people know that their partners are THE ONES that they wanna be with for the rest of their lives? Because they can imagine...
Because they thank God for bringing these people into their lives?
I guess I've had all of those feelings at one point or another and I've come to realise that while such feelings may be sufficient to kick start a romance, it takes a lot more effort to keep it going for eternity. When I think I know what I had been looking for, it turns out that perhaps, I'd wanted more than that. Sometimes I don't trust myself anymore. Therefore, I am indecisive.
My last experience had taught me to be more patient but I guess I wasn't patient enough. Anyway, I'd reached the last chapter of that book. Time for me to take a break, enjoy the scenery before embarking on a new book, that would hopefully last me a lifetime. =P
Was tweaking my blog yesterday (correcting a typo as pointed out by Spinky) when my brother said this. He couldn't recognise the girl in the blog header. =P
Saw a little girl in a PCF uniform on the train today. Short hair, cut very evenly and not layered. Wide eyed and in wonder of the world around her. Reminded me of when I was a little girl, when I aspired to be a scientist, or a pianist or a artist. Well... I jumped off the path to be a scientist, never got to learn to play the piano and art... I find that my sketchings are too restricted. When I do draw, I draw what I see as is. I often wish I could sketch more and every now and then, I'm tempted to buy myself a set of colour pencils (you know, the kind where it's a set of 128 and there are all sorts of funky colours), sit down somewhere and just draw. But I know that being the perfectionist that I am, I'ld probably be too engrossed in making something perfect, then to actually accept something random.
I look back and think about how simply I used to think:
Back then, I didn't know what hyprocisy and heart ache were. I remember that up to university, I left people the impression that I was a carefree girl. Although I think that my desire to be carefree had churned out problems of its own. =P
The path of getting to where I am today has been more difficult that I had imagined it to be when I was five. But I constantly remind myself that my path has been a much smoother one compared to some others out there. I'm lucky to have the support of my family (though we don't really express ourselves. =P), the Pals and all you guys out there who have made a difference to my life in one way or another.
Thanks.
I've uploaded long-awaited photos on my new Webshots homepage, which you can access here or click on the link at the sidebar, right below "back on the shelf". =P
Visit the site to view photos of:
Ta da! First attempt at personalising my blog. Quite pleased with myself. =) Yellow text does go quite well on various colours. =P At the very least, I can now surf my blog using IE and not have to use Opera (which distorts the alignment).
Just a simple design... maybe one of these days will scan in something that i sketched as a background.
Had lunch w YT the other day. I enjoy talking to YT cos he's always so insightful and gives practical advice. Felt quite motivated to revamp my wardrobe after that. Yes, that long overdue task. I think my sister would be pleased. Given the time that has freed up now, I guess I shall make an appointment with my sister to go pamper myself (or her, since I'll probably end up buying stuff that she likes. =P)
The recent ongoings... made me realised that I leave a pretty good first impression on people. =) I never realised that there were people around that actually noticed me.
By chance, I came across an article in "Duet" (yes, the SDU magazine) yesterday, talking about dating traps. One of which was that people shouldn't think that there is only one soul mate for them out there. I guess it makes me think twice about my outlook on dating. There really are many nice guys out there who would say that they care about you. You know that they aren't lying but how do you know who's really The One for you?
"Each Baci , which means "kisses" in Italian, with its creamy dark chocolate and rich hazelnut center, comes wrapped in a poetic love note in four languages describing the course of love — a true gesture of romance."
You're France!
Most people think you're snobby, but it's really just that you're better than everyone else. At least you're more loyal to the real language, the fine arts, and the fine wines than anyone else.
You aren't worth beans in a fight, unless you're really short, but you're so good at other things that it usually doesn't matter. Some of your finest works were intended to be short-term projects.
I: You haven't met the right person to make you change your mind yet.
Friend: I haven't met the person who won't ask me to change my mind.
| The Keys to Your Heart |
 You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart. In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you. You'd like to your lover to think you are flexible and ready for anything! You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is traditional. Without saying anything, both of you communicate with your hearts. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now. |
How true is this?
My colleague was saying that after you've worked in the public sector for a while, it'll feel so comfortable that you wouldn't want to move to the private sector. Furthermore, by then, you would have no value-add to the private sector.
Princess Di said that if i quit, she wouldn't stay too long after that. Just goes to show how important the people around the workplace are. There's great rapport among my colleagues of equal rank and the guys from my batch. And i'm wondering if i should invest in a pair of dancing shoes. Cos i know i'ld be too lazy to learn outside of my workplace. =P
Feel quite accomplished. Blogging more regularly now. =)
Finally got a MC from my family doctor! at 38.3 deg C, which Doc said was very high...
everyone else went home by cab after that while i dozed off on the bus. =P Luckily, didn't miss my bus stop. was so stoned that i slept 5 hrs in the noon...
well... to sum up, hope that everyone had fun, esp the birthday "once-i-was-hunky,-now-i-am-chunky" "beached whale" boy. =P he wasn't really himself, or mebbe cos never really saw him around other his frens before? =/
anyway, may all your dreams and wishes come true!
